Hopefully you’ll have no Regrettes after this week Instead of just presenting a ‘Here’s Five Songs We’re Loving This Week’ that no one will give a toss about, here are five songs that might just carry you through another depressing week on Planet Earth. Within minutes of publishing last week’s edition of this very fine column, a man on a train in Germany started wielding an axe. The week then finished with another man in Germany, this time wielding a gun. As I write this, someone in Germany has killed someone with a machete. In between all of that, Donald Trump has officially accepted the Republican nomination, tuition fees have gone up again, and all of Turkey’s teachers got the sack in one fell swoop. Frank Ocean has still not released his second album. My Chemical Romance tricked everyone into thinking they were reforming to then shill some old capitalist reissue bollocks for a generation that’s only just managed to wipe the last of the eyeliner off their faces. Democracy is overrated. Society is shit. Culture is dead. Welcome to the Black Parade Stereo Tonic. Monday: De La Soul – Royalty Capes Long Island’s finest are back with their Kickstarter-funded ninth album, ‘And the Anonymous Nobody’, and ‘Royalty Capes’ is the second single taken from the long-awaited record which is set to feature the likes of Snoop Dogg, Damon Albarn, and 2 Chainz, among others. Opening with procession-like horns and a welcoming verse that’ll kick-start even the worst Monday imaginable with “Ladies and gents, crystal carrying pixie peasants and warriors, elders, ancestors, sons and daughters, lion-hearted kings and everything in between; take a seat, be witness,” De La Soul’s latest effort sounds more like a coronation than a commiseration in these dark times, and the lyrics suggest just as much. There’s assertion of their elder statesmen status (“Androids read raps off iPhones, I choke the blood out of felt tips”), assertion of their chemistry prowess (“find the atomic number 79”), and assertion of their own worth (“Give me my checks with the same first name as the capes”), while the drums and bass allude to a jazzier way of life for the understated hip-hop Kings. The bombast is key for a trio who’ve never seemed too bothered about where they stand contextually, and it’s that nonchalance and almost-apathetic approach that makes them all the more deserving of the riches. Work hard, earn hard, don’t let your inferiors upstage you. Someone see if they’re free to play Jeremy Corbyn’s next rally. Tuesday: Haley Bonar – Stupid Face ‘Stupid Face’ is one of those great terms of non-dearment that is fitting for just about anyone; your shithead boss, your idiot ex, Taylor Swift, a crusty old politician, or even this writer. So greet the world this Tuesday with the level of rage that helped create Haley Bonar’s latest effort, from upcoming album ‘Impossible Dream’. Glum and moody verses are countered with energised choruses filled with rollicking drums and alarm-like synths, and the range of Bonar’s vocal abilities from delicate whisper to rallying war-cry elevates the song throughout. Clocking in at exactly 3:30, Bonar’s short and sweet brand of indie rock is playful and haunting; eager to joyfully bounce around while still retaining a sombre air. Wednesday: Refs – Turn Around Marking the release of only their second-ever single, Refs’ ‘Turn Around’ is a delightful synth-driven piece that incorporates driving percussion, woodwind riffs, and soulful vocals to create a bizarrely brilliant mesh of different sounds. ‘Turn Around’ is a longing and pleading down stroll down memory lane, and the catchiness will leave it stuck rolling around your head for a while to come. It’s been over a year waiting for the follow up to ‘Pain Goes Away’, while that year has arguably seen more pain on Planet Earth than ever before, a band like Refs will always work wonders at turning it all around. Thursday: The Regrettes – A Living Human Girl It’s fitting that this week, when a bunch of men at the Republican convention in Cleveland got together to discuss what women should do with their bodies, that The Regrettes have released ‘A Living Human Girl’. Crammed full of experiences of the average girl’s lifestyle, labels, and the long list of shit that a girl growing up has to deal with from the predominantly male-dominated society that exists in 2016, ‘A Living Human Girl’ is a snappy and catchy garage-punk lullaby, where the protagonist is 15 year-old singer Lydia Night, the antagonist is most other douchebags on the planet, and the moral of story is, “Sometimes I’m pretty and sometimes I’m not, so let’s take a listen, hit me with your best shot”. Friday: Charlotte Turnbull – Share My Feelings Hopefully this week has been a bit quieter than recent times have allowed, so kick start a more relaxed weekend with Charlotte Turnbull’s ‘Share My Feelings’. Combining the ethereal atmosphere that accompanies some of Oh Wonder’s more intense songs with the smooth R’n’B that the likes of NAO incorporate into their sound, ‘Share My Feelings’ mixes HEAVY bass with layers of vocal harmonising. Turnbull’s voice itself is like a softer Katy B, crooning through the song with ease while still retaining the stark emotion that the song deserves. It’s a tearjerker telling a story of untold emotions, and is guaranteed to break your heart. Good luck, enjoy these perhaps-insignificant mere moments of pop, rock, and pop-rock brilliance and I’ll see you next week.